willieojo@yahoo.com
It is foolish looking down on slaves. They have a quiet endowment their masters need. It is ignorant to be contemptuous of the poor. They possess some virtues the rich need. Even the dead; Yes; the dead possess some values. Morticians will be out of business if there are no dead. Ask Nigerian politicians. Even the clean ones among them still need dirty people to do their dirty biddings. Thugs and killers aren’t bragging around for nothing. Their hirelings in politics need them.
What about the jet-riding man of God with mansions all around the world? He badly needs help from somebody. Tug on the sleeves of the bloviating bishop and prod the apostate apostle. They too need help. Ask the dangerously rich pastor. He needs the ridiculously poor congregant. Your wealthy friend, your affluent brother, your influential sister; your silk-stocking, deep-pocketed boss need help. They may have what you need, but still need what you have. These people are as useful to you as you are to them. In life, there are no one-way streets. We run into each other as we walk and work. Everybody needs help from somebody. Don’t think of yourself as unhelpful even if you feel helpless right now. Somebody needs you somewhere. We all need help from one another.
If you need help, you must ask for it. Do you always get a rebuff each time you seek for help from a close friend? There must be something wrong. How do you get an answer of ‘YES’; instead of being bathed with answers of NO? Seeking help is both an art and science. Asking is consummated in the laboratory of wisdom. In this laboratory, you’ve got to master how to mix and match up the chemical agents for the desired chemical reaction. If you desire a lift and a shift in life, you must know how to ask the people manning the pipeline connected to your dream if you know who they are. Your soul-mates; daddy, mummy, brother, or sister may love you from the moon and back. You still need to master the art of asking them for what you need. Nobody owes you a thing. You’ve got to be a master in the art of doing business in the laboratory of wisdom.
I have stumbled many times into men and women who lack wisdom in asking. They are ignoramuses who are incognisant of the workings in the laboratory of wisdom. A few years ago, a man I had not seen in over 20 years asked me for financial help to start off a business. He desired N5m. About $15,000. He had assumed that because I live and do business abroad, my abode must be a fishing pond of hard currencies. But hard currencies are not always easy to come by. I respectfully painted the picture of what I was going through. He wanted none of my explanations. He was only fixated on his one need: N5m! I was livid with the push-back and stinking attitude I received from him. If I had what he wanted, he had already asked wrongly. He demanded as if I owed him. He blew the opportunity because he had not mastered the art and science of asking.
How do you get a ‘Yes’ answer from those who always say ‘No’ to your requests? You have to breathe on the relationship. A relationship you breathe on will survive and sustain you. Before you ask a friend for a favour, build the relationship first. A house you have not completed is not habitable. A friendship you have not built will not be strong enough to lean on for help. Your friend must know, like, and trust you. He must know that you are not just one of the multitudes around trying to use and mooch on him for his mammon. Maintain the rank; don’t break it. Nurture it. Anything you feed and water grows. When you feed a relationship, it grows. When you feed a friend with love, commitment, and trust, he grows to love you. People give to who they love and trust. Building anything that will last takes time and commitment.
You must also respect the association. In the process of building a relationship, watch your words. Publicly criticising your friend, or privately behind their backs, taking a swipe at them for an opinion they hold, weighs negatively on the relationship you are trying to build. Even if you think differently from your friend, public criticism shows no respect for them. If you must point out your differences, whisper it into their ears only.
Don’t be aggressive pursuing what you want from your friend. These are put-offs for many people. For example, I don’t answer repeated, aggressive, and hounding phone calls. Many people I know feel the same. No one does good business or builds a profitable relationship with aggressive beings. Don’t hound your friends. If you keep at it, you will lose their friendship and whatever they plan to give to you as a reward.
Everybody needs and appreciates encouragement. Whether your friend is a president or a king, encourage them. If you know that your friend is going through difficult times, offer words of encouragement. Sincerely ask after their business and family. Encouraging words strengthen relationships. Note that asking for help is different from begging. Asking is seeking a respite, begging is a self-proclamation that you are a destitute. When you nag for a favour, you have become a beggar. I mention my needs in the ears of my friends; and ask for the same thing only twice. First time is to let them know what I need and why I need it. Second time is to remind them. People get truly too busy; and they may innocently forget somebody had asked for help.
The art and science of asking lubricates the door hinges of help. If your friend says “No”, thank him, anyways. Nobody is bound to help you when you need it. Nobody owes you anything. I am a poor pastor and journalist; but I understand that sometimes, even wealthy men run into bad weathers of life. A man may have 20 mansions and be cash-broke. Times and seasons change both for the rich and the poor. The man who says ‘No’ today may end up saying ‘Yes’ tomorrow beyond what you ask or think. I am personally not a man who is wont to asking for help from anyone no matter how close and highly-placed. So, before I make my request, I try other means to solve my problems. I know many people don’t have other means to fall back on. If you must ask, be tactful and wise. Understand that it is God who touches hearts of kings and directs them where He wants them. Help comes from God alone. Even from God; not everyone who asks receives. Asking is both art and science. You must know how to ask.
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