To whom it may concern: Forgery is still a crime in Nigeria. Thank God! The warning is necessary because for a while now events in the country had left forgers worried that the crime might be legalised and this would have led to a serious loss of revenue for forgers. By their calculations many would have come into the currently supposedly illegal “business” and universities and polytechnics would have started awarding degrees and diplomas in forgery science. The educated forgers could have put the uneducated forgers out of business and this would not have augured well for the forgers who ministers patronise. But the matter has been settled in favour of the forgers and it should now be all quiet on the forgery front.
Confirmation that forgery is still a crime came with the resignation of the Honourable (?) Minister of Finance, Mrs Kemi Adeosun. Adeosun had been riding the wave of a forgery scandal and had given the nation the impression that, like a cat, she had nine lives. She was said to have forged her National Youth Service Corps discharge certificate. The National Youth Service Corps confirmed the forgery and threw her “under the bus.” That may have left a spellbound country to watch the slow motion drama with interest and concern. The Federal Government retrieved her from “under the bus” and it was business as usual.
Adeosun’s defense, in the face of withering criticism, which could have dented the most impregnable reputation armour, was that she asked some friends to get the certificate for her and did not know that what they got for her was a forged document. A very touching and heart-breaking story, which, unfortunately, comes dangerously close to not sounding like the truth. In any case if she were correct then she had been keeping bad company – something good girls are usually advised against. Like the saying goes, “show me your friends and I would show you who you are.” So if she had been keeping friends with forgers, that makes her a …… and a friend of …. (Thank you for filling in the blank spaces. You are blessed with wisdom.)
Second thought. Keeping bad company may be Adeosun’s default character, so she may be right after all. As a minister, she did not quite run with good company. The buccaneers who are in the government and play “rough and tumble” with the lives of citizens and the affairs of the country could not have made her a better Nigerian. That was why when the bubble burst with the forgery matter, Adeosun at first hoped to roll it under the carpet – like the Federal Government has been rolling the genocides in some Northern states under the carpet. But forgery, like all viruses, has a way of always popping up at the wrong time and wrong place.
Now that she has quit her job as minister, forgers could breathe a sigh of relief and seek to do more business with other powerful clients. It is rare to have such a high government official as a patron of illegal business runners. Now forgers can sit around a bonfire under moonlight and tell the teeming youths of this country that forgery is a grand old business that has links in the corridors and pathways of power. They would maintain that it was not only Adeosun but it was unfortunate that Adeosun had to fall for the business to continue thriving.
Some forgers are already claiming, according to spoof reports (unconfirmed reports) that Adeosun could have run into bad weather because she did not complete her payment to her forging consultants. Or, perhaps, she did not recognise forgers as her benefactors in government and did not take good care of them. She could have encouraged the formation of the National Forgery Association (NFA); but she did not recognise the “hands” that fed her certificate. Forgers had expected that payment for services to a minister should be progressive and commensurate with status. Having one of its patrons, as the custodian of the nation’s wealth would have led to happy times for all forgers. But it was not so.
But Adeosun’s forgery scandal is a late night call, which she should be able to live with. She has a lot to be proud of. Remember that before her scandal, a former Speaker of the House of Representatives, Salisu Buhari had forged the certificate of the University of Toronto and got off with a presidential pardon. So she is not alone. She is in good company. She could meet with the former speaker and they would compare notes and the speaker would advise her from his experience.
Also remember that when the first list of appointees by President Buhari surfaced after a lot of hue and cry, some in the list were deceased. It was a list composed of the living and the dead. Adeosun was fortunate to be alive and not dead. The dead did not attend the swearing in Aso Rock: They may have had their own swearing-in at the land of the dead presided over by Sani Abacha.
Adeosun took the oath of office and resumed work with her forged certificate. She would be at the hem of affairs when Nigeria was in dire straits and faced the most terrible recession in modern times. Buhari (who may or may not have a secondary school certificate but who, to his credit, has never thought of forging one) went around the world trumpeting how corrupt Nigerians were, and left a horrified world disinvesting in Nigeria and would-be investors reconsidering investing in a country cast by its president as the crime and corruption capital of the world.
As a minister, Adeogun, was not spectacular but that was not a problem. Buhari is not a spectacular president. He owns cattle and is qualified to be described as a Fulani herdsman. He has simple tastes and simple ideals. He is fighting corruption but as someone in Aso Rock clarified in the thick of the forgery scandal, “forgery is not corruption.” He is correct because the custodian of corruption in Africa is the Peoples Democratic Party. The All Progressives Congress had taken an anti-corruption inoculation and none of its members can catch the bug – talk less of a minister. APC’s meat is PDP’s poison.
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