This is one chronicle I toyed with for a few days to do or not to do… not because I don’t have much to say but because not one size fits all… however in the last three weeks I have add to vicariously carry some emotional turmoil from three different people whose “matrimony ripped the veil into two”.
In putting this chronicle together to reflect MY OWN PERSONAL AND INDEED VERY PERSONAL VIEWS i pulled out from my shelves a book I read years ago by Elizabeth Gilbert titled EAT , PRAY , LOVE
( by the way it is one of those books on a serious issue but with rib cracking humour!).
ENJOY!
Elizabeth Gilbert In describing the institution of marriage surmised that Marriage was invented so rich men could know which kids were legitimate heirs. It was never about love. It was social expediency.”
I AGREE WITH HER!
Not because I hate love. But because I’ve watched the “institution” fail too many times to keep pretending the paper is magic.
We’ve glorified marriage into something it was never meant to carry. And the people who never signed a dotted line? Sometimes they’re doing better than the ones with the church, the photos, and the vows.
1. How The Institution Was Built:
PROPERTY NOT LOVE.
Gilbert is right about the history.
From 1200-1800s in Europe, the gentry had wives and mistresses. The problem wasn’t sin. The problem was inheritance.
What if the mistress had a son who claimed the estate?
So they formalized it:
• The Church in 1215 required public weddings. Only “legitimate” kids could inherit.
• The State made laws: first son of the lawful wife gets the castle.
• Families used contracts and dowries to prove who counted.
Marriage wasn’t made sacred. It was made legal.
One wife = one line of heirs = no messy court battles.
THAT IS SOCIAL EXPEDIENCY. NOT ROMANCE. NOT HEAVEN. JUST ORDER!
2. “But God Instituted It At The Beginning”:
….. Whose Beginning?
This is where you decide depending on :-
If you believe Genesis, you’ll say God designed marriage at creation.
If you don’t, you’ll ask the right question: “Which God? Which beginning?”
From a historical view, every culture invented some version of marriage. Not because God sent down a license. But because humans needed stable families to raise kids, share work, and survive.
So maybe marriage wasn’t handed down from heaven.
Maybe it was figured out by humans trying to make life work. And then later, kings and priests put their name on it.
3. The Pretense Is What’s Killing It:
Here’s what I see and I’m tired of pretending I don’t:
The “institutionalized” marriages often have the most pretense.
Smile for the photos. Quote scriptures on Sunday. Act fine at the family meeting.
Behind closed doors: silence, resentment, cheating, or just two strangers sharing bills.
Meanwhile I know couples with no ring, no church, no certificate.
They argue, they forgive, they build, they stay. Because they choose to. Every day. No audience.
The paper didn’t make them faithful. The ceremony didn’t make them kind.
Their choice did.
4. Strip It Down:
Maybe It’s About Covenant, Not Contract
If we take away the gentry, the church, and the state… what’s left?
Just this: Two people choosing each other.
Not for property. Not for status. Not because “God said so.”
But because: “ I want to build with you. I want to stay with you when it’s hard.”
THATS NOT AN INSTITUTION ; THATS A VOW
AND VOWS DON’T NEED A STAMP TO BE REAL
The contract was invented to handle the mess when vows break: kids, money, inheritance.
Fair. But let’s not confuse the paperwork with the promise.
5. So What Now?
I’m not saying burn marriage down.
I’m saying stop glorifying the institution and start honoring the commitment.
Ask better questions:
Not: “Are you married?”
But: “Are you loyal? Are you building? Are you staying?”
Some of the most sacred families I know never went to city hall.
Some of the most broken ones had the biggest wedding.
CONCLUSION:
THE PAPER ISN’T THE POINT.
Elizabeth Gilbert is right to be skeptical. The institution was used, and abused, for power.
But humans will keep trying to do the one thing the institution was trying to protect:
SHOW UP FOR ONE PERSON FOR THE LONG HAUL
YOU DON’T NEED A KING TO APPROVE IT
YOU DON’T NEED A CHURCH TO BLESS IT
YOU DON’T NEED GOD TO SIGN IT— unless you believe He did.
YOU JUST NEED TWO PEOPLE WHO MEAN IT!
Maybe that’s the real beginning.
ALWAYS FOND THOUGHTS
O. A-O
P.S: as indicated earlier these are my VERY PERSONAL VIEWS AND NOT IN ANYWAY TO IMPOSE IT OR POTRAY IT AS GOSPEL… I am only just sharing as I am wont to do.
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