tingles@punchng.com
08139149577 (SMS only)
It’s amazing the difference that a few months’ ‘change of focus’ can make in one’s life.
Early this year, her story was not different from her usual lamentations…since I met her.
Not knowing what to do with herself, as it seems that everyone around her has got their act together,
Especially, her fellow housewives in the neighbourhood.
One thing that you really can’t take away from anybody is their drive.
Otherwise, as far as I am concerned, she is doing OK.
I often say to her: “Does your husband know how lucky he is?”
She lives for her family!
So, it was a bit of a worry when her bubbly personality began to feel ‘down’.
According to her,
The husband (sometimes) shouts “go and get busy” at her.
I can’t imagine what can ‘nosedive’ a woman’s esteem like being around an irritated, restless or bored Naija man.
We considered a few ideas before she settled for dressmaking.
She’s been on it for months and she is a lesson in FOCUS to me.
The last time we talked, she told me that as she left for work that morning,
The husband whispered to her not to bring any work (home) that weekend… he needed her attention.
She said that she pinched herself, as she wondered why she hadn’t discovered this ‘juju’ earlier.
By the way, she realised that those (around her) that suddenly became ‘busy’ were also learning same skill.
And that explains their daily ‘rushing out of the house’ …that made her feel ‘left behind’.
It’s a problem that most of us have here.
People’s ‘activity’ easily translates to them ‘doing better’ than us…even when we don’t know what those ‘activities’ are.
And that’s because we (as a people generally) are so ‘appearance driven’.
Someone’s ‘going out in the morning and coming back later in the day’ is all we need to conclude that they are doing well.
Those who are home most times will readily believe that whoever ‘steps out of the house daily’ is doing better than them.
Yet, when you get to know what they are actually ‘busy’ about, you are hit with the realisation that your life is the better one.
Have we forgotten the lessons learnt from people who have been convicted of criminal offences?
Didn’t neighbours see them as BUSY, private but RICH businessmen and women?
…until the long arm of the law caught up with them and they were exposed for who they are…kidnappers/robbers of the highest echelon!
Another sister echoed the experience of this lady.
She remembers the husband once saying to her “all you know how to do is f**k, cook and clean house”.
According to her,
Those words made her self-esteem nosedive.
She had a job prior to marriage.
Now, she feels their marriage is stronger because she re-invented herself… by pursuing her passion.
If he met you as a driven woman, don’t think that settling into a ‘home-body’ and smothering him with IDLE attention will do the ‘bonding’ magic.
This is one of the reasons I can’t stop pitying whoever throws away her life (education, career/job, and friends) for marriage.
Only a few marriages turn out to be worth all that sacrifice in the end…mostly, because the man has more to offer.
There are necessary distractions (e.g. hobbies, friendships, career, etc.) that inject vigour into marriage.
Else, you will be sapping the energy of a spouse with undue expectations.
Ladies…
It shouldn’t have to take your hitting rock bottom emotionally (especially for not getting the desired attention from him) to realise that BEING PRODUCTIVE with your time is often it with most men.
Your ‘gum-body’ is not a typical man’s idea of bonding.
Men are not always in the mood.
They need you to GET BUSY elsewhere, sometimes.
END
Be the first to comment