A lady in a high brow catholic parish died recently. She was only 48. Yet at that relatively young age, she had put herself in different positions of service within the church that almost everybody—the old, the young, the rich, the poor, the cleric and the laity—remembered her. And like Lydia in the Holy Book, almost everybody had good things to say concerning her. As she was in the church, so she was at home and with close friends. She had made herself so relevant in people’s lives that many remembered one kind deed, one kind gesture or the other. Hers was a life that was short but impactful.
But in the main, the tears around a deceased person are real even when they are for different reasons. There are the genuine tears of relief especially when there has been a protracted and painful illness. The relief could be for the deceased or for the carer. Tears of relief could also come if the deceased had been a thorn in the family flesh: drugs, prison, economic dependence are likely reasons. Or the person could be just plain old, difficult and cantankerous. Tears of relief could also come from never-do-well children and dependants who desperately want to inherit what they have not sown.It is an established fact that when the dead are gone, they are gone for good. No amount of tears can bring them back into our lives. So the tears the living sheds are for himself and his indulgences. First, we are expected to show some emotion when a close person—loved or not—dies. Not to do that is to betray a callous or even wicked disposition. So we sometimes pretend and shed crocodile tears, wailing and generally overdoing things—because it is expected.
Then there are tears of empathy. You look at the young spouse, the children who are still tiny tots and the aged parents and wonder how they will survive. Or you look at the business that has just taken off with bright prospects and wonder why the guy had to go at that particular time. Or you look at the mansion that is almost completed but which the deceased will never step into. Or you look at a life of struggle that has culminated in this certain death and you wonder at the vanity and purpose of life.
Tears of disdain come when the deceased has led a less than desirable life. He could be a public servant who had made away with disproportionately large public funds. He could be a wealthy business man who didn’t believe in paying contractors or even staff on time. He could just be a man who never lifted his hands to help his community or family. Or a leader that is seen to have exploited and ruined his country. Tears of spite on the other hand, come from wronged people who have refused to forgive and forget.
Tears of genuine grief usually come from spouses, children and close family members. A young spouse would look at the weight of the myriads of problems that have to be carried by her. Children that are barely in primary schools who are expected to go all the way to the university. Accommodation that has to be taken care of in one way or another. Then there are in-laws that are already showing they are more of a problem than a solution.
The future looks bleak and the tears will flow. Many dependants, especially those that are being mentored spiritually and financially will also see the bereavement as personal because it is. It therefore follows that the type of life you lead and the many lives you positively touch, will determine how large the cache of people that will be genuinely sorry when you are gone; sorry to the point of tears.
It is instructive that 50 years after the death of Tafawa Balewa, Ahmadu Bello, Okoti-eboh and co, the nation is still mourning their passing. They were rulers at a most difficult period in the life of the country; yet for all their ills, nobody could accuse them of amassing public wealth for they lived and died simply. Nobody could accuse them of playing the religious card because Christians, Muslims and even Pagans co-existed peacefully in many parts of the country. Nobody could accuse them of placing their personal interests above the interests of the country or even their regions. I had interviewed many Southern Christians who talked so fondly of Sir Tafawa Balewa as a person.
Who will cry for us when we die and how much of those tears will be genuine? Leaders like Sanni Abacha already have their answers. No amount of revisionist history can ever change the way he is perceived. Murtala Mohammed also has his answer. So has Odumegwu Ojukwu. So has Obafemi Awolowo. So has Nnamidi Azikiwe. The verdict is still out for Obasanjo, Babangida, Gowon and yes, Goodluck Jonathan.
The verdict is still out also for you and I. The Dasukigate has unmasked many so called leaders. It has shown the recklessness to which our money is being spent and to what purpose. It has shown that we the led need to shine our eyes when our leaders praise or condemn or show righteous indignation. They are not always as altruistic as we are meant to believe. It has also shown that many of our leaders don’t deserve our tears. But if we are to be honest with ourselves, there is a Dasuki in many of us if given the opportunity. How many of us shouting today would pass by a million naira awoof not to talk about 100 million? How many of us have not used our position and influence for selfish ends?
Let us all remember that we brought nothing into the world and that our wealth and positions are not because we are the most deserving. They are meant to be tools for helping our family, community, country and humanity. A life that does not do at least two of these things is a wasted life. The worst place in hell is reserved for those who find themselves in positions of authority and end up impacting negatively on their environment. Many African leaders have left their countries worse than they met them. That is why the likes of Donald Trump can make snide remarks about Africa and Africans. Who will cry for you when you die and what manner of tears? Hmnn, food for thought.
VANGUARD
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