It is a sad, sorry season for Nigeria. Its leaders have decided the key to winning the battle for 2019 is convincing Nigerians on who the lesser thief is. In many climes, the political parties will be busy outdoing themselves with creative ways of selling their candidates and programmes to the public. But, the Nigerian leaders are looking at the mouths lined up across from them and debating whose mouth is more soiled.
Authority stealing!
You be thief, I no be thief
You be rogue, I no be rogue
You dey steal, I no dey steal
You be robber, I no be robber
You be armed robber, I no be armed robber
I’m driving down the coast, listening to Fela’s music on a glorious day with clear, blue skies. Outside, a section of the country is celebrating a hero who was assassinated half a century ago. It’s an interesting music for a day like this but the stereo has a mind of it’s own. It feels like it’s trying to take me on a journey past the Pacific Ocean and across the Atlantic where this icon with prophetic lyrics went to sleep a little over twenty years ago.
“Authority stealing” is a strange music for the sou l on a beautiful afternoon. But, when you’re Nigerian, strange is a way of life. As the Pacific Ocean waltzes to Fela’s music a few yards away, I keep wondering why all the great ones come from a different generation and why most of the men and women we call heroes are dead.
My mind drifts to Nigeria in search of heroes and it slams right into the middle of a great debate about stealing! The stereo and the men who rule Nigeria were united in thought and deed in this season of political comedy. This is a classic case of “two-fighting, boys and girls” that used to pound out of the tin-roofed classrooms of my boarding school days.
I never thought the day would come when the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC) and the main opposition PDP will agree on one thing beyond the mudslinging, free-for-all gutter battle that it takes to be the landlords of Aso Villa. But in this season of madness when all that matters is the 2019 race, they seem to agree on one thing – there is a thief in the house.
On one side is Lai Mohammed, the colourful character in charge of Nigeria’s information and his many friends in the Presidency who do exactly the same job he’s paid to do. On the other side is a former presidential aide, Reno Omokri and the beaten and bruised few who still have a voice in the Peoples’ Democratic Party (PDP). The argument – who stole the most from Nigeria? The incorruptible, never-stole-a-kobo-in-our-lives army of APC or the soiled soldiers of PDP?
Argument, argument!
Argument, argument, argue
Them argue
Everybody dem argue
Them dem dem argue
Up and down them argue
Everybody dem argue
Them dem dem dem argue
Yes, yes, them argue
Everybody dem argue
foraminifera
I never thought the day would come when the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC) and the main opposition PDP will agree on one thing beyond the mudslinging, free-for-all gutter battle that it takes to be the landlords of Aso Villa. But in this season of madness when all that matters is the 2019 race, they seem to agree on one thing – there is a thief in the house. Not your marijuana-smoking highway robber or jittery burglar. We’re talking about sophisticated thieves adept at making billions of dollars disappear within the blink of an eye.
Both parties agree that some thieving has been done, maybe still being done. They agree that the thieving crossed ethnic, religious, gender and party lines. While some countries are celebrating the achievement of their leaders, Nigerians are left romancing the odious fact that the leaders they elected to fix their country instead dug a hole from the treasury into their personal bank vaults.
Authority people them go dey steal
Public contribute plenty money
Na authority people dey steal
Authority man no dey pickpocket
Na petty cash him go dey pick
Armed robber him need gun
Authority man him need pen
Authority man in charge of money
Him no need gun, him need pen
Pen got power gun no get
If gun steal eighty thousand naira
Pen go steal two billion naira
Worse for APC, its leaders were the leaders of PDP. Its governors were core PDP members. Its legislators were mostly from PDP. If PDP has stolen like APC is claiming, APC folks must be scared of looking at the mirror these days.
For PDP, this is like a punch-drunk boxer watching reels of his previous films and listening to some annoying voice on radio doing the play-by-play. They are down for the count, rumbling and rambling through the dark. Their membership has thinned because the only thing an average Nigerian politician understands is power. Without it, s/he is like fish on the desert floor. If Nigerian was at war with Niger today, it won’t be surprising if some of the politicians start negotiating citizenship and power accommodation with Niger – just in case Nigeria loses!
For the APC, this can’t be too good. Elected to correct the ills of PDP, the party in power has spent three years reminding everyone of the ills of the former ruling party instead of fixing them. Worse for APC, its leaders were the leaders of PDP. Its governors were core PDP members. Its legislators were mostly from PDP. If PDP has stolen like APC is claiming, APC folks must be scared of looking at the mirror these days.
It is a sad, sorry season for Nigeria. Its leaders have decided the key to winning the battle for 2019 is convincing Nigerians on who the lesser thief is. In many climes, the political parties will be busy outdoing themselves with creative ways of selling their candidates and programmes to the public. But, the Nigerian leaders are looking at the mouths lined up across from them and debating whose mouth is more soiled.
Argument about stealing
Somebody don take something
Wey belong to another person
Then you go hear:
You be thief (I no be thief)
You be rogue, I no be rogue
You dey steal, I no dey steal…
Oh God, please send us some heroes. We’ve had enough thieves!
@iam_ose
END
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