When a relationship that means something to you is troubled, what you do is enable honest reflections.
In the absence of genuine reflections, facades are stowed. In troubled moments, there are dispositions not to subject a relationship to. Playing mind games. People in troubled relationships do this a lot, to make the other feel jolted enough to “behave.”
If an effort aimed at salvaging a relationship is cosmetic, the relationship remains an illusion. When genuine intentions are injected into a relationship, genuine changes manifest.
Some couples who reached out for help on their issues have attempted telling me what to tell the other to elicit a certain emotional response. The emotion you manipulate out of anybody is most fleeting.
A lot of these mind games hurt only you in the end especially when the HOPELESSNESS of the situation that is thinly held by manipulation stares you in the face.
Playing mind games makes it difficult to cultivate honest reflections on your issues. Mobilising ‘the army.’’
Some people can’t do without drafting others (family and friends) into their problems with a spouse.
For as long as such external forces are involved, you will be incapable of genuinely X-raying your roles in the problem. Eventually, ’the army’’ leaves to go face their own problems and it becomes even harder to face yourself! Sometimes, find the courage to fight your battles alone. This is because the mistakes that come from YOUR decisions are easier to live with. Constantly trying to prove a point. I know someone that once she calls to ask what business pursuits to consider, I instinctively know she has fought with ‘hubby,’ who has probably called her a liability and she has to prove him wrong. I can’t imagine living with the mental exertion of doing what you do just to prove someone wrong. Your life isn’t yours anymore when you do that.
Life has become so unpredictable that the wise now gives their energy to only what matters. Until you lose the desire to prove a point to ‘show them’ you are not really living. You can’t be in a good place emotionally when you are obsessed with ‘showing anybody.’
Anybody that you are trying to prove a point to actually has a grip on you. It’s like seeking their validation. Deep down you want them to approve of you. Yet, when such effort fails to extract the desired response from them, one becomes even more unhappy.
I always say that your self-worth should validate you. Your faith in God and confidence in yourself should validate you. Your goals in life should validate you.
Quitting in a hurry. Not many people who quit a troubled relationship do so because they are convinced they can be better off on their own.
Most RUSH OUT with the hope of falling into the arms of some Romeo/Juliet out there. Unfortunately, the reality out there is a shell shocker. This is because there are no waiting Romeo/Juliet. It even takes BEING MESSED UP out there for some people to realise they left GOLD in search of cowries.
I don’t persuade anybody who feels strongly about quitting a troubled relationship to stay back but earnestly examine your motive. It’s about time we realised that nobody (but yourself) has a better life to give you. People are rather busy with themselves! Playing away. For as long as someone out there is cushioning the reality of your relationship, you can’t awaken to your absolute responsibility. Some people are part-time couples.
Certain distractions can only bring a marriage to its knees because you are being absent when you should be most present in your relationship. The regret of not being in control is a difficult one to live with if you go through life being FLIGHTY to your issues!
END
Be the first to comment