A lady reached out to me sometime back relaying her experience with a man (that she was considering a future with), who was rather (suspiciously) shielding his TOOL from her. He would neither let her look at/nor touch it even when they are in the bedroom!
Although they had just met and he pointed to his moral upbringing as his reasons, which is a possibility, someone like me would have problems with such a fellow on realising that something else (besides the given reasons) is responsible for his actions.
I have since realised that (in this part of the world), we don’t know how to let people stand by us as we are more into ‘HIDE-HIDE’ of our issues.
When you present a façade to somebody and they eventually find out your real issues, please, don’t blame them for walking away.
Once you decide to establish a committed relationship with anybody, it becomes a MORAL DUTY (on your part) to let the fellow know what he/she is getting into and make an informed decision on if to stay or not.
Anything less is not only deceitful but MEAN as well.
Someone may ask ‘what if he/she knows and runs away’.
Listen…
Nobody who understands the ways of life abandons people because of their challenges or issues. Even if romance/marriage isn’t in the offing, a good person will stick around (with moral support) as a friend, at least.
The tide of life is most unpredictable; anybody can be at the receiving end of SORRY tomorrow. And for this reason alone, we should learn to stand by people, no matter what their issues are; more so when you realise that your efforts can give someone reasons to live.
It is not always the (troubling) situations that people find themselves in that will do them in but what finishes them off is the attitude of those around them.
However, the fear of abandonment should never be the reason to deceitfully rope another into situations they know nothing about and (still) expect them to abide by the ‘for better, for worse’ doctrine.
Whatever your issues are, it doesn’t make you less deserving of love.
And if anybody chooses to act funny, good luck to them!
Anybody who is unable to look beyond your challenges/issues to see the finer side of you doesn’t deserve you, anyway.
Just don’t let the fear of rejection make you go low with lies/deceit.
Life can be so beautiful that you are exactly whom someone somewhere is looking for.
There is a lady (from the South-West) that I developed a keen interest in her social activities since she came out not only to declare her HIV status but actually began an advocacy on that. The issue cost her her first marriage. But she remained strong. The last time I read about her, I was busy admiring the pictures of her cute son. Apparently, she met someone with a similar ‘status’ and went ahead to live her dream of motherhood.
Those are the kind of settings that fuel my hope in humanity.
People who find their rainbows against all odds!
I discussed this on the social media recently and received interesting views from friends.
Enjoy.
‘Nigeria has a culture of lies, deceit, and concealment in relationships which only civilisation can undo.’
‘The truth cannot be hidden forever. It’s a huge personality disorder that makes people lie about their real status on anything. What you cannot change, you have to live with and no pretence or lie will change it.’
‘Deceit is the shortest route to broken relationships. Sometimes, It’s not what you disclose that ruins a relationship but what you hide. Nothing is hidden that would not be uncovered. Learn to come clean in your relationships. Honesty makes life easier.’
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