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A story that was featured in a past publication was on thriving lesbianism among married Nigerian women. Most of those that granted interviews (anonymously though) were mothers. Some even claimed they were married to ‘comfortable’ men.
What seemed unanimous in their views was their claim to boredom as the drive for their sexual choice. I don’t doubt that some women have resorted to seeking emotional succor in the arms of fellow women as a result of the emotional unavailability of most men in this clime.
However, the claim to boredom as an excuse seems rather watery to me. Sexual adventure is a better excuse in my opinion.
I have said many times that we don’t know how to get positively engaged in this part of the world. I also believe that idleness of the mind is at play here. Is it to say that a wife can’t actively engage her mind in anything else (when she is bored) besides sex? And it has to be with her fellow women?
By the way, which woman would be complaining of boredom when she has children? The fact remains that most women do not know how to channel their energy positively. If you have so much time on your hands, whatever happens to going back to school to seek self improvement? Don’t you have things that you can further sharpen your skills on? How about getting involved in charity activities (even as a group of friends)?
Ever thought of gathering young girls in your neighborhood for mentoring sessions on sundry female issues? Those are the people that your ‘sheltered’ kids will eventually meet in the real world.
So, for every child you help put right, you are invariably training yours. Friends also unwind by going to the cinema, beach or picnic, sometimes with the household.
Do you know that one can actually devote a few hours weekly to help out in schools with shortage of staff, old people’s home, children’s home, etc? It’s called volunteer services. It’s a form of charity. These are efforts that will uplift the spirit and also benefit humanity.
Having the choice to ‘do as you like’ and still choosing restraint shows one, who is in control of the self. Certain vices we let ourselves imbibe smack of ingratitude (for our blessings). I mean, how many women can boast of a husband that lives up to the status of a ‘good provider’ these days? Yet, those whom life has buttered their breads can’t seem to appreciate their blessings.
What happens to devoting a lot of your time to nurturing your children and praying for that man that is ‘sweating it out’ to give you and the family a good life? Too much luxury and comfort sometimes is a problem. This is a clear case of people that have too much time on their hands.
Teachers are seriously lamenting that most school children (especially those in highbrow schools) lack basic home training. Part of what makes Nigeria a third world country is that we have too much time on our hands. We don’t seem to realise that it also takes individual efforts to build a nation. And that development starts with self improvement.
If the material comfort you enjoy is as a result of the extra time and attention that your husband has to put into his economic endeavours, learn to deal with it. If the spirit wills, the body will find more positive ways to cope. You can’t eat your cake and (still) have it.
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