I attended an event at a close friend’s place. The last time I was in that house was probably “some years” ago.
Their house was our favourite “converging place” as kids, thanks to the ambience.
This time round, I didn’t feel the same way about the house anymore and actually began to wander around the house, reminiscing about our favourite play-spots in those days.
It was when I came to a particular spot that I remembered her mum sat a lot as she picked “egusi” (melon) that I figured what was missing.
Her presence! Something about her presence contributed to our immense fondness of their house.
I had a similar feeling when I passed by the house of another childhood friend in the village recently.
Theirs was one of the two reasons BUNGALOWS became my ideal living space.
Her mother’s well-tended flowers, the huge compound that housed all manner of fruits such as coconut, orange, pineapple, etc.
I placed a call to her when I passed through their house but what I couldn’t tell her was that the environment is now a ghost of itself.
She told me that none of them has been home since their parents’ demise.
In a lady’s message to me, recently, she narrated that her family that once ate from the same pot has not only stopped doing so but no longer see eye to eye since their mother died.
My mum has been on hospital admission for a while now and I can tell you that her absence already makes the house feel EMPTY.
Besides stopping by the gate (once in a blue moon) to stare at her grave, I am not sure I have stepped foot into the compound since my grandmother died. Ninety eight per cent of the time, I even avoid passing through that route.
My point is that a MOTHER is the soul of a home. The energy is NEVER the same when they are “missing” for any reason.
A friend said to me the other day that in their own case, all that “close-knit-ness” scattered when their mother passed away and hitherto “respectful” sisters-in-law became unruly.
When a friend who was separated from the wife complained about the seeming indifference of the children to all his generosity, I explained this phenomenon to him.
In most cases, the best thing a father can do for a child is to ensure the presence of a biological mother in their space, regardless of the oddity in your relationship with her.
I also preach to anybody, whose parents are still alive, to NOT tire of doing ALL the good you can do for them while they are still here. This is because life is never the same when they are no more.
That string that gets cut off (with their absence) is about the strongest one we have to our emotional core.
These days, before leaving the presence of an aged loved one (or any loved one for that matter), I try to ask a question of myself, have I done what I CAN do for them? Will I have regrets if (tomorrow) I hear that they are no more?
An uncle (Uncle Eugene) passed away about sometime ago and what puts a comforting hand on my soul was the efforts I always made to go see him anytime I was home. The last of such efforts was on December 29, 2021 unknown to me that would be the end of that chapter!
Let’s have a rethink towards these realities. Give the best of what you CAN any moment you are with these loved ones (especially your parents). The story may never be the same again when you turn your back. And nothing is as comforting as KNOWING you tried your best for them while you could.
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