One of the ceiling fans in the house is going wobbly, about to cease working any moment from now. Another one has stopped working altogether. Both hardly have brand names, just some insignia suggesting a logo or emblem.
Also, two of the bulbs in the house just stopped working after a very short time, suggesting that they hadn’t quite expired, just didn’t last long. An average of two bulbs go off in the house every week. They just flame out.
One neighbour attributes this to wrong electrical wiring in the house. Another says it’s the fluctuating voltage of electricity supplied to the house. Yet another neighbour thinks it’s the low quality of the bulbs that heartless merchants have released into the market to make a profit at all costs.
But none of the neighbours will be able to attribute the poor quality of the perpetually leaky faucets in the kitchen and the bathroom to the water corporation. The faults can only be blamed on the poor quality of these plumbing accessories.
Who to hold responsible for the three faulty irons that never seem to gain or sustain adequate heat that can effectively straighten the creases on the clothes is not too clear. This is because all the irons bear the brand names of reputable manufacturers in Europe.
You then suspect that somebody has placed the labels of these reputable iron manufacturers on fake products. Yet a fourth neighbour discloses that the poor performance of these so-called reputable brands has led him to get an “old reliable” coal pressing iron for the clothes in his home.
Hardly any product in the market delivers the promises it makes to Nigerian consumers these days. And that is really regrettable; it has the negative effect of holding back effective demand, and arresting the growth of the economy.
Those corporate organisations that include “Terms and Conditions Apply” in their advert copy are at least honest enough to hint that buyers should beware, and read through the fine prints of the claims they have made for their products.
The old advert copy that teased, “Is it live, or is it Memorex?” successfully argued the fidelity of the product. Though new technology has rendered Memorex cassette obsolete, those who bought it in its heyday knew that there was truth in its advertising; it delivered on its promise.
You cannot so vouch for many products sold in Nigeria these days. Even the Standards Organisation of Nigeria that has statutory responsibilities to vet product quality and standard is not quite working up to standard. Excuse the tautology.
The statutes give SON the “Power to establish, designate, and approve various standards related to commodities, materials, measurements, structures, and processes for the certifying of products in Nigerian commerce and industry.”
The statutes also empower SON “To enforce the standards of products, the quality control of products, and also acceptable scientific measurements, and other things related to the scientific study of measurement.”
SON appears to always conform in the breach of the statutes that allow it “To seize and destroy, or prohibit the selling of any products that are below standard in Nigeria.” If it were not so, no one would dare produce or sell many of the products that unwary Nigerian consumers are conned into buying.
You must however commend the National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control for obtaining fines and jail convictions for the operatives of Barewa Pharmaceutical Company whose contaminated teething mixture, “My Pikin,” caused the death of about 84 children some years ago.
The dead children, and the 27 that survived after taking the drug, suffered fever, convulsions, diarrhoea, vomiting, and unceasing urinating. Investigators found out that the paracetamol-based mixture had been laced with an agent commonly used as engine coolant that can cause massive liver and kidney damage even in adults!
As SON routinely shirks its responsibilities –for which its operatives are paid –to the Nigerian public, and also fails to vet the quality of building materials, like iron rods that come in lower grades, even sub-standard building blocks that crumble like bread, officials of town planning authorities also look the other way.
The negligence or connivance of these state agents gives the rascally estate developers and building contractors the audacity to compromise on quality and measurement of products used in the construction industry.
The greed, the speed of construction, and the use of substandard products have led to many collapsed buildings throughout Nigeria. Many should remember the incredible tale of the “sonic” vibrations that caused the crumbling of a church building, and the death of 116 people.
You wonder why this church building fell to “sonic” vibrations, whereas buildings at the airports that routinely experience supersonic vibrations at the take-offs and the landings of aircraft have not fallen down like the Wall of Jericho.
A Coroner’s Inquest found that the mission failed to obtain legal clearance before attempting to pile up more floors atop an existing structure that is used as a hostel for pilgrims to that church. After the coroner indicted the church for “criminal negligence,” nothing more than a deafening silence has been heard.
There are two “calibres” of products in the Nigerian automobile spare parts business: “Second new,” and “Follow come.” While the former is an imported but used spare parts that are better than fake spares, the latter is the authentic accessory that came with product, but was separated by vendors to be sold as a standalone.
Both products were introduced into the retail business as alternatives to new, but substandard products. These two animals have migrated from Ladipo Auto Spare Parts Market to Ikeja Computer Village where telephones and computers are sold.
And by their conduct, some Nigerians have got themselves classified as fakes: Sometimes, they are referred to as 419, (in reference to Section 419 of Nigeria’s Criminal Code Act that punishes advance fee fraud, and obtaining under false pretences).
These scammers sometimes disguise as benevolent engineers who want to link you to suppliers of certain commodities that the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation needs. All you need to do is to follow the lead of some scouts that their magnanimous selves will send to you, and you will make a lot of money. Only the thoughtless and the greedy follow the trail of such fakes.
Some other fakes permanently place a “koboko,” or horse whip, on the dashboard of their vehicles, as insignia of their profession as military officers, or evidence of relationship with military officers. They do this to enjoy esprit de corps from the traffic officers and signal to other motorists that they have the capacity to inflict pain if provoked.
Some other fakes paste the label, “Press,” on the windscreens of their vehicles, to give the impression that they are members of the Fourth Estate of the Nigerian Realm. This name-dropping presents them as journalists so that their traffic sins can be forgiven by traffic custodians who would rather not risk confrontations with the media.
But the ultimate fakes or poseurs in Nigeria are the politicians who routinely fail the integrity test; they are notorious for breaching their own promises. The word, “faker,” used by Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg of America’s Supreme Court, to describe presidential candidate Donald Trump, aptly describes the Nigerian politician.
Twitter @lekansote1
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Mediocrity has taken over all aspects of the Nigerian State and eaten deep into her moral fabrics to the bone. Who shall save her?