Dear Bunmi,
My husband was made redundant by his office about five years ago. When he tried without success to get another job, he told me he was going abroad to stay with his elder brother and find work. He was about 40 then and I couldn’t stop him, even if I tried.
Things were rough, to start with – but after some time, he started sending us some money and hasn’t come home yet to visit his family – not once. We have two boys; one is currently in the university, and the other will be finishing secondary school soon.
He wrote to his father wanting to join him, so he could attend university abroad, but his dad wouldn’t hear of it. He said he could barely make ends meet trying to send money to us, and that since my son was not a British citizen, university education was going to be very expensive.
Recently, an aunt of mine visited from the UK and told me that my husband has a live-in lover who is even pregnant. I called him on the phone and he didn’t deny it. He said he was not encouraged by the news from Nigeria and has decided to stay put. He promised to be sending whatever amount of money he could. I was stunned!
My sons were livid but what could I do? My aunt said I could write to the authorities abroad that he is staying there illegally and he would be deported immediately. I feel so hurt I might just do that.
Vivian, by e-mail.
Dear Vivian,
Of what good would your husband’s deportation be to you and the children? He is the one who has leapt over a cliff by making his home in a foreign land with another woman, whilst still married and, believe me, he would fall on his head.
He will not be the first man to abandon a long lasting marriage and a loving wife for new adventures, but what can the poor wives do? You have to get on with your life instead of wishing your husband would dine on guilt and sleep in solitary sorrow.
People like him abound abroad, for ever chasing the proverbial golden fleece in their mid-lives with little success.
He’s been gone for five years now and you have survived without him. Continue looking after the children the best you can. In the meantime, you might as well consider yourself separated from your husband and try to find love again before it is too late.
END
Gba fun kadara e deportation will not solve anything supposing he’s dead won’t you survive let him be taken good care of you and the family, arrange how you’ll be going on holidays to other countries, wishes you best of luck