WHEN some community leaders connive to sell a piece of land belonging to the local deity, they set off a chain of morbid reactions. One after the other, all the conspirators die, but the ring leader, a chief and the King’s second-in-command, Otun, fights a desperate battle to stave off death. He tells the community’s monarch that no dead should be buried in the town, otherwise a prominent indigene will die. “Who is prominent in this town if not you, kabiyesi?” he tells the king, who, apparently not prepared to die, decrees that nobody should bury his dead.
A man dies – from the curse of the deity. His children take the body to a neighbouring town for burial. The chief, who doesn’t want to die – he is the next in line to go after the body is interred – stormed the funeral, grabs the coffin and sits on it, screaming that it will not be buried.
Strange. So strange. Scared out of his wits, Otun confesses to being one of those who sold the land. The community is alarmed. The king’s right hand man becomes a subject of shame and scorn, roundly derided for his ignoble role in the despicable act that shocks the community.
That is the story of Tunde Kelani’s 1993 classic, T’Oluwa Ni’le (God owns the land), featuring the talented Alhaji Kareem Adepoju, alias Baba Wande, as the lead actor.
A little exercise, dear reader. Substitute the land deal for the just-concluded presidential election. In place of the character Otun (Baba Wande) who led the conspirators, throw in Elder Godsday Orubebe, the former Niger Delta Affairs minister. Orubebe, apparently in a fit of seizure, battled on Tuesday to halt the announcement of the presidential election results.
He raised a point of observation. Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) Chairman Attahiru Jega obliged. Orubebe – a dandy in a multi-striped ash blazer, a white shirt, a pair of black trousers, black shoes and a black hat – hurled expletives at Jega. He was screaming, swearing, shouting, yelling, huffing and puffing in a desperate bid to halt the process. He was foaming from the mouth as he threw up his hands. His eyes were red like a piece of coal from the blacksmith’s fire.
“Nigeria will not accept this!”, he yelled and railed endlessly, charging like a Rottweiler and warning: “Don’t come near me.” Orubebe claimed that Jega rejected PDP’s petition, but set up a panel to examine what the All Progressives Congress (APC) claimed went wrong in Rivers State.
Watching it all on television, many were asking: When did Orubebe become Nigerians’ spokesman? Haven’t Nigerians spoken so loudly that even the deaf heard? What kind of elder is this Elder? Won’t his family be watching this on television?
Why did Orubebe choose to do the job? Why not Femi “Amebo” Fani-Kayode, who hours before then was saying on television, with the braggadocio of a Lagos pickpocket, that the PDP had won 22 states and would not be robbed of its gains? Or Ayo Fayose, the rambunctious governor of Ekiti, who is more experienced in such matters? Or Dr Doyin Okupe, who had earlier threatened that Buhari would not be president?
But, if Orubebe had not seized upon the moment, nobody would have known that PDP harboured another talent with the ability to pull off a star performance that will draw great applause any time.
Jega was calm and confident. After Orubebe had exhausted himself, he sank into his seat. The theatrics over, the INEC chief explained all he knew about the matter that got Orubebe spinning out of control into a rage.
The session continued. Before it ended, President Goodluck Jonathan shocked us all. He called Gen. Buhari at 5.15 p.m. to concede defeat. The Nation broke the story on its website. The tension that had gripped the land crashed and gave way to revelries. Many were screaming Sai Baba in jubilation.
Some women were singing: Ojut’owo, oju ti’resi, oju t’owo (shame to money, shame to rice).
Others were shouting: “PDP…dollar!” –a clever corruption of the party’s slogan and a punchy allusion to the way it painted the town red before the election.
Now, the joke in town is that no woman would like to marry Jega because “if you shout at him, he won’t just talk”.
Besides, a new word has been added to the political lexicon, “Orubebe”. The meaning: To attempt to disrupt a peaceful process. “Orubebed” (past tense). “Orubebebing” (present continuous tense). Example : An elder is trying to orubebe the parliament’s plan to pass the Electoral Act, which will criminalise threats to a Returning Officer.
But, talking seriously, shouldn’t Orubebe face the law for holding the nation to ransom? Where is police chief Suleiman Abba who threatened to deal with anybody who attempts to disrupt the process?
Even before INEC began to roll out the results, there had been tension in major cities. Schools closed. Banks rolled back their closing time and left many customers stranded. Other businesses also called it a day. Everybody went home to wait for the announcement of a winner, but that was not to be until some 16 hours after. Our longest 16 hours ever, perhaps.
Apparently excited that the apocalypse that we all dreaded didn’t come, after all, Nigerians have reduced it all to jokes. It is amazing the fecundity of the Nigerian’s mind.
Consider this which a friend sent me. It is an invitation card, titled “Otuoke Reunion”. “Doors open at 4.30pm. May 29, 2015. Location: 1, Otuoke Main Road, Otuoke, Bayelsa State, near Mujahid Dokubo’s house. You are invited. MC: Femi Fani-Kayode.DJ: Koro in the house. Sound Track: Money can’t buy love. Bouncer: Doyin Okupe. Gals: Diezani, Ngozi, Patience and Stella. RSVP: www. ENDS.ng. Card admits one.”
Another said: “While APC was busy campaigning, PDP was looking for Buhari’s certificate.”
The long night ended at 3.46am when Jega declared Buhari winner of the election. He scored 15,424,921 votes as against Jonathan’s 12,853,162 votes. The President then made a broadcast in which he promised to co-operate with Buhari for a smooth transfer of power.
In his view, the PDP should be celebrating and not mourning. “We created a pan-Nigerian political party and brought home to our people the realities of economic development and social transformation.” Really?
Buhari collected his certificate of return yesterday. He said he bore no grudge against anyone and would not discriminate against any Nigerian. Good. But, as somebody said last night, it is okay to forgive all but history will surely reconstruct the road to Change – the crippling of the economy that has weakened the naira so badly –ah! if only a currency could cry – , unemployment, abuse of the security forces,who often got deployed to rig elections for the ruining – sorry, a slip there – the ruling party, even when there are challenges, such as the need to bring back home the over 200 abducted Chibok girls, harassment of judges and those hate campaigns.
–Can we ever forget?
NATION
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How can we forget such unprecedented evils perpetrated by the GEJ-PDP led government. Good to forgive, but justice must prevail on the people that raped and hemorrhaged the nation’s fortune to comatose and near-death. Shikena!