William the Bastard (or more courtly, William the Conqueror: ruled 1066-1087), was the first Norman king of England. Though dubbed “illegitimate” because he was sired by the unmarried Robert I, Duke of Normandy, after a liaison with mistress Herleva, it was an age of conquest when what mattered, it appeared, was the muscle of your plundering arm, not necessarily the force of your morals.
Sure, William did run into some storm on account of his nativity. But that didn’t stop him from being the first Norman to conquer and rule England.
There was also Philip the Bastard, product of randy English King Richard I aka Richard the Lion Heart and Lady Falconbridge, when her husband was away on a business trip. Philip, later integrated into the court of succeeding King John, was a major character in Shakespeare’s play,King John.
So, if Bastards could force their way into reckoning in prudish England, why not metaphorical goats in debauched Nigeria, in this era of “goats, yams and barns”, never mind the impassioned cry for “de-goatification”, following ex-President Goodluck Jonathan’s best forgotten era of reckless elite sleaze?
Hardball is just intrigued by the alleged attempt by Olisa Metuh, embattled publicity secretary of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), to shred his statement to Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) investigators — he actually reportedly did — and chew the paper like a starved goat, especially after days of self-imposed hunger strike!
What was Mr. Metuh trying to do? To press his inalienable right to impunity, even when accused of a definite crime or two? Or just to make the snappy point that for consummate (wo)men of power and glory, impunity is forever?
You would recall the mighty Olisa, at the summit of his pluck as PDP spokesman, dismissed the then emerging All Progressives Congress (APC) coalition as nothing but a deluded band with “Janjaweed” philosophy. In a deft verbal flourish, Mr. Metuh had likened the new opposition party to Sudan’s Muslim-on-Muslim terror, with its murderous Janjaweed militia.
But Metuh was not alone in his power triumphalism. Even, PDP’s national secretary, Prof. Wale Oladipo, on hearing of Muhammadu Buhari’s emergence as APC presidential candidate, boasted the general, a mere “army illiterate”, was doomed from start, competing against his erudite principal, Goodluck Jonathan, then sitting president.
Not to be outdone, Metuh also descended on Prof. Yemi Osinbajo, Buhari’s vice-presidential pick, as some nondescript lawyer, not even worth a contemptuous look. Yet, Osinbajo could likely have taught Metuh’s law teachers the basics of evidence, a branch of law Osinbajo is near-globally renowned.
But what did it matter! When power-powered impunity looms, every other thing takes a dive!
So, having in his glory days contended with, confounded and dusted “betters”, who are these uncircumcised EFCC agents to hold him to account — and shame of shame: ask him to sign some goddamn, god-forsaken confessional statement!
Besides, after days of hunger strike, didn’t they know it was a time of pang and ire, when even confessional papers become legitimate fare — and proudly so?
So, for pressing his right to everlasting impunity, shall we hail Olisa the Goat, and help press his democratic right to shred and wolf down evidence papers?
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