Sixty-eight-year-old Mr Paul Bolton, born by an English woman to a Nigerian man in 1954, tells OLADIMEJI RAMON about his search for his Nigerian father believed to be a Yoruba man, whom he has never met
Tell us about yourself.
My name is Paul Bolton. I am a 68-year-old chartered structural consultant, living in Surrey (South-East England).
Where were you born and who are your parents?
I was born in Leeds; my father’s name is given as Femi Odiendie or Femi Odeiwde. My mother’s maiden name was Denise Rosamund Mary Williams.
Do you have any siblings and where are they?
I am unaware of any siblings on my father’s side. My mother had two children after she married several years later to someone other than my father.
You said your father is an architect from Nigeria; when did you see him last?
It is my understanding that he is an architect, assumed to be in Nigeria, but I cannot be certain of either point. I have never met my father.
In what circumstances did he leave the UK and returned to Nigeria?
My understanding is that he completed his studies in the UK; apparently he was living in Preston (North-West of England) at the time of my birth. It was thought that my father had suggested that he would like to care for me and take me back to Nigeria; clearly this did not come to pass.
How old were you when he left?
Unknown.
Do you have his photographs?
No.
Why do you think he didn’t stay in touch with his family after he left for Nigeria?
Within three weeks of my birth, my mother had to hand me over to an orphanage. My father was unlikely to have been given my whereabouts. My mother’s mother sent my mother to a “Mother and Baby” home in Leeds run by the Catholic Church in order to keep the fact that she was pregnant a secret, with a view to returning to her studies after my birth.
What was the reason your grandmother wanted the pregnancy to be kept as a secret?
Pregnancy outside of marriage in 1953 was considered to be very shameful, particularly within Catholic families, which they were. No doubt, the fact that my mother was white compounded the problem. My father met my grandmother, presumably, before my birth.
How old was your mother at the time she got pregnant then?
She would have been 19 years old when she became pregnant and 20 years old when I was born.
Did your mother tell you how she met your father?
They apparently met whilst they were both studying architecture at the city of Hull. It has been confirmed that my mother was indeed studying architecture but regarding my father, there is also a note to say that he was an engineer, so there is some confusion here.
I found a gentleman on Facebook named Oluyemi Odiende, who studied architecture at the Hull School of Architecture, but he may have died last year. My father was named Femi Odiendie and studied at the same place.
Where is your mother now and how old is she?
The last communication I had with her, albeit via a councillor from the Catholic Children’s society, was back in 1995, when I wrote to her. She elected not to meet me, which was very disappointing. She said that stage of her life needed to be kept buried. There has been no contact since. I do not know if she is still alive. If she is, she will be 88 years old.
Are you in touch with your half-siblings and what is your relationship with them?
As my mother did not want to meet me when I managed to locate her, I assumed that she wanted to keep this stage of her life a secret from her family. I have, therefore, not attempted to get in touch with either of my half-sisters; the eldest sister had severe mental disorders.
Will you like to talk about when and how you eventually left the orphanage?
My formal adoption took place when I was six years old. I was adopted by a white family, who at the time could not have children of their own. I was fostered to them 18 months earlier. My adopted parents subsequently had three of their own children – they always said it was God’s reward (for adopting me). I get on very well with my adopted siblings, albeit we are very different, nature versus nurture – from my experience, nature is an overriding parameter.
My adopted parents were very loving and caring; I owe them so much, who knows what sort of life would have been ahead of me had I lived all my childhood in care.
The town that I grew up in was predominantly white, so as a black kid, I was certainly a bit of a novelty. It was a happy childhood, I enjoyed being different from other kids and I think that it moulded my character.
When did you begin to have the desire to see your father or at least your father’s relatives in Nigeria?
It would have been at the time of the birth of my firstborn in 1993. I realised that this is the first person that I had a blood connection with, thus the urge to know who my parents were became more important to me. I realised that my children would, at some point, want to know their background, so I started my search.
What steps have you taken towards achieving this goal?
I have searched for my father by writing to various universities/colleges where he might have studied whilst in the UK, without success. I also wrote to the Nigerian High Commission in London and the Nigerian Institute of Architects in Lagos, but neither organisation responded.
Why is connecting with your Nigerian roots important to you?
I would like to know about my Nigerian heritage and in particular, my paternal family.
What will you do, the day you see your father or meet his people?
I really cannot answer this, but I suspect that it will be very emotional.
You must have got some information about Nigeria; what is the most striking thing you have heard or read about Nigeria?
My knowledge of Nigeria is shamefully shallow.
If you come to Nigeria, besides your father or his relatives, what other things will you be looking forward to seeing?
It would be good to trace my ancestors and how they lived.
END
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