If a test of service integrity is conducted among our leading politicians, many will pass in flying colours – if the examiners are objective. I talk of a test that is complete in all ramifications, not the controversial Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME) in which candidates who never stepped into the examination hall hauled in huge marks and many who sweated it out before erratic computers were awarded various marks at various times for one examination, a situation that has now resulted in violent street protests. No.
Long before those fellows who hide under the deceitful nomenclature of “public affairs analyst” or “social critic” to deride and scorn them as parasites and buffoons thought of the essence of “service”, our politicians had been doing their beat. To them, service is not just a matter of building roads, hospitals and schools. There must also be what has been well celebrated in Ekiti State as “stomach infrastructure”, the unique policy in which governance is seen as a tool in catering for the people’s culinary cravings, which eventually leads to vote harvesting at the ballot. I am told that so successful is the policy that every Ekiti resident now sports a pot belly and chubby cheeks, which were hitherto the exclusive preserve of the rich and members of their families. Needless to say, Governor Ayodele Fayose remains a die-hard apostle of this policy.
Politicians know also that the people must be thrilled from time to time. It is, after all, not for nothing that we –against all odds – have been ranked among the world’s happiest people. But, as I said, our politicians are abused and denounced as corrupt and lazy. That is all they get for their physical and mental exertions to make Nigeria the paradise we all dream of.
Those idlers, the critics of whom I had spoken, instead of encouraging the people to be grateful to those who have elected to serve us, actually rally them to probe into their meagre earnings, forgetting that some of these politicians quit their flourishing businesses to serve, following the massive demand by their electorate.
Consider the case of the distinguished Senator Dino Melaye, who represents the good people of Kogi West. The other day on the floor of the hallowed chamber, he expounded a powerful theory that only years of research by social science giants working under the best of conditions could have produced. He said he had discovered that to save the naira, the symbol of our economy, we should not just embrace local goods and services, we should marry “made in Nigeria” women.
The innuendo was electrifying in its effect. He was accused of disdaining the respected Edo State Comrade Governor Adams Oshiomhole whose charming wife Iara is from Cape Verde.
Melaye became a punching bag, so much so that he, at the end of it all, was like a Sport Utility Vehicle (SUV) that crashed on the highway after a burst tyre. He was pilloried as irresponsible, an attribute they ascribed to what they described as his inability to maintain a “decent matrimonial home” and seeing women as mere goods to be purchased off the shelves and shipped home. Women activists were enraged.
The senator became a subject of scurrilous attacks. Peter Okhiria, the governor’s spokesman, literally eviscerated the senator. He said: “The liberty of free speech guaranteed in the hallowed chambers does not impose lunacy on anyone to disparage other Nigerians. He is a man known for his vainglorious rodomontade and the childish display of his ostentatious lifestyle, which complement his love for foreign items.”
Okhiria called Melaye “a court jester” who is “tactless”. “We advise that Melaye should mend his ways with his ex-wife and concubines,” he admonished the senator. As of the time of writing this, it was unclear if the senator had taken this advice, but there has been a rehash of the stories of his crashed marriage, his row with an actress who held him responsible for her pregnancy and his vulgar display of his exotic cars on Facebook.
Punch-drunk and subdued, Melaye simply asked his traducers to be patient. “When I’m ready,una go see my made in Nigeria wife,” he said.
Another patriotic senator also got into trouble for propounding a theory he had thought should earn him accolades. Senate Leader Ali Ndume (Borno State), contributing to a motion presented by Senator Oluremi Tinubu (Lagos Central), urging the Federal Government to rescue the Chibok girls and guarantee the safety of pupils, especially girls, said men should marry more wives.
“As a sign of respect and love for women, I urge all men, unless their religion prohibits it, to marry more than one wife,” he said with remarkable flourish. His prayer, as serious as it was, was turned down by the Senate even after it had been seconded by another distinguished senator, Sulaiman Nazif (Bauchi State). Binta Garba (Adamawa North) kicked. To her, it was all an attempt by philanderers who see women as “sex objects” to push their views. Needless to say, the chamber was gripped by a strange excitement as the matter took on a salacious garb. On the social media, many recalled how Senator Shehu Sani (Kaduna Central) declared his two wives as part of his assets.
Ndume, you may wish to recall, had earlier defended the Senate’s plan to buy N4.7b cars for their oversight duties, saying the distinguished men and women were “too important” to be conveyed in buses, as suggested by some inconsiderate constituents who do not appreciate the rigours of making laws for the advancement of our complex society – an arduous task that attracts little remuneration and big recriminations.
Outside the chamber, there have also been fireworks ahead of Saturday’s rerun in Rivers State. Governor Nyesom Wike and his arch-enemy, Transportation Minister Chibuike Rotimi Amaechi, have been hurling invectives at each other.
Amaechi has just let us into a secret; what he says is the worse decision of his life – recommending Wike, his former Chief of Staff and fellow Ikwerre man, for a ministerial appointment. He accuses Wike of corruption and association with cultists and militants who, says the minister, are hibernating in the Government House. Not to be outdone, Wike replied, saying Amaechi ran a dizzyingly corrupt government and that he had been indicted.
Now, Wike has written to the United States, the United Kingdom, China and some other countries, imploring them to ensure that Saturday’s local elections are free and fair.
Some of the other things the duo said in pushing their cases I dare not state here, this being a family newspaper and for decency. But one question remains: who will pay for the numerous lives lost in this state where some families have been wiped out and people burnt alive? Wike insists that the killings are cult-related. Amaechi and his fellow All Progressives Congress (APC) members maintain that they are political.
After a long silence, former Deputy Senate President Ibrahim Mantu has succeeded in grabbing the headlines again. He says he regrets not laying down his life to get former President Olusegun Obasanjo a third term. His excuse is that it would have been in the nation’s greatest interest. “We never envisaged we would be here. Since Obasanjo left, the way this country has been run up to this moment, I weep for Nigeria,” Mantu told Premium Times.
Instead of praising Mantu’s forthrightness, some busybodies have told him to watch his tongue, asking:”Where were you when Obasanjo said he never wanted a third term and that if he had desired it, God would have put it on his laps?”
Dear Senator Mantu, there is no need to weep. Now we know the truth about third term.
Senator Sani has accused Kaduna State Governor Nasir El-Rufai of “thinking of removing President Muhammadu Buhari”. “It would be counter-productive for the governor to start thinking of evicting Buhari in 2019 . El-Rufai should do his job and stop putting his eyes on the presidency,” Sani told “The Interview” magazine.
Sani accused El-Rufai of ruling like an “emperor”, promising to give him “war or peace, whichever he chooses”. The governor is yet to reply the senator.
It is so easy to get angry nowadays. A bad economy, no doubt, can put everyone on edge and breed a deep bellicosity. But then, we shouldn’t lose our sense of appreciation of the fact that our politicians are masters when it comes to enlivening a depressed situation.
NATION
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