Chukwuneta Oby
tingles@punchng.com
08139149577 (SMS only)
I must confess that right from the period we met (in an academic setting) and became friends, I never detected ‘nothing out of place’ in her disposition. She remained her usual (easily amused) ‘quiet’ self.
So, it came as a surprise when she went away for a long time and had to explain that she was undergoing ‘medical observations’…as she is battling a ‘mental’ situation.
What gladdens my heart is the enviable dedication from the husband. One could tell a man who has rolled up his sleeves to face ‘life’ with his beloved.
For one who is stationed out of town-(thanks to his career), he was rather handy. Also, most impressive is the measures he took to ensure that his woman is surrounded by ‘family’ that she loves. Then, the ‘get away’ that he undertakes with his family every now and then.
Whatever would ‘relax’ her more…he did!
This next gist was one of the (news) features in a foreign media portal.
It had to do with a remarkable transformation of a (hitherto) obese man in his 60s. Considering his ‘before and after’ pictures, his transformation (without surgical intervention) is indeed awe inspiring.
What caught my attention was what he claimed was his motivation for overhauling his lifestyle.
According to him, his wife of (40 years) has health challenges and he figured that in order to take better care of her, he himself would need to be healthy.
In other words, his motivation for transforming his own life is so that he can take better care of his ailing wife.
As I mulled over these incidents, I told myself that those are simply the ‘heart of the matter’ if marriage has to be done for what it is!
Because, life is sure to throw up ‘challenges’…that only selflessness (on the part of those involved) can overcome.
When a young friend told me that the man that she was introduced to (for marriage) wouldn’t stop harping on what he called her ‘vital body statistics’…I told her that such (to me) is a red flag.
I won’t advise anybody to go for who will rather discuss ‘body’ than nurture ‘friendship’.
Every other issue can always come and go but ‘friendship’ (if genuinely nurtured)-carries a relationship far.
When another friend seemed hung up on WHERE a ‘would-be’ spouse comes from, I called his attention to what I thought should be the deciding factor (if marriage is still about companionship and commitment)…character!
The way we go about matters of the heart, these days is most disturbing. It has all become rather superficial. And that isn’t (and will never be) to our advantage.
When you premise your relationship choices/decisions on superficial attributes…I hope you remember that LIFE will always ‘happen’…however and whenever it chooses. And the partner that everyone needs is that person who will rather roll up his/her sleeves (when life happens) to take ‘the walk of hope, faith and friendship’ with you. Not one who will resort to giving you a ‘one leg in-one leg out’ dance or outright abandonment.
If we let ourselves think deeply about life, a lot will change in our approach to matters of the heart…beginning with an adjustment to our relationship priorities.
The foundation of a relationship is key to its outcome…it’s not likely that a ‘good time or sexy body (only) affair’ will do better in an otherwise circumstances.
Therefore, if you are convinced that someone is in your life for the wrong reasons…you would be doing yourself a huge disfavour not to backtrack.
People have had to borrow/steal, while others have had to lie about their ‘reality’ (health challenges/unfortunate circumstances)… in order for a partner not to leave.
The task of giving a ‘touch of reality’ to your relationships begins with you!
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