Dear Bunmi,
I‘m going through my second divorce from a man I married in the native law and custom way.
I have two daughters by my first husband and one by my second. I went straight from my second husband into another relationship. My current boyfriend is divorced and has three children. He’s besotted with me but I feel nothing for him. I want to be on my own, not stuck in a relationship.
I’m never honest with myself or the man I’m with. I’ve never had an orgasm with a man – I’ve always faked it. Also, although I’m a loving mum to my girls, I know I’m not setting them a good example by having these relationships.
I lost my mother at the age of 16 and my dad lives in another state. I have no sisters or brothers, just friends. I feel such a bitch. I lead men on and once we’ve slept together, I don’t want to know. Please help me pull myself together and break this habit. It’s not fair on the kids or the men. I feel like a horrible person.
Mirabene, by e-mail.
Dear Mirabelle,
Both parents were more or less absent from your growing up. You had no siblings with whom you might share affection. Your mother’s death when you were 16 left you more or less an orphan. Are you then surprised that the hurt girl who emerged from a loveless childhood felt unable to accept that she was worthy of love? Your self-esteem remains low and throughout your adult years you have presented only a facade to others in the hope of winning their love.
Only your love for your children is honest. The good thing is your desire to change for the better, and you alone can work the magic. You need to abandon deceit and stop faking the joy of sex. You need to face your demons by being more open to your current boyfriend. Let him help you discover the joy of sex by admitting how confused you feel. You will not be able to transform yourself overnight into a vamp, but you’ll be opening the door to self-respect and happiness. In no time, others will see the new positive you and react to you.
Vanguard
END
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