On a beautiful Sunday morning during a church service, a pastor gave a message he said was from God to every member in attendance. Pastor told his parishioners that God had given an instruction that when every member got back home, they should lift up their one big nagging problem before God in a special prayer accompanied with prophetic dancing. According to the pastor, God promised to turn their mourning into dancing. A male member of the church, who was in attendance without his wife, got home with holy anger, bear-hugged his wife, picked her up and started dancing while speaking in unknown tongues. Curious wife who had neither danced nor hugged her husband in two years blushed in excitement and joy after the drama and then asked:
“Honey, today’s service must have been very great, what got you so excited about me?”
The husband replied; “Well, the pastor told us that when we get home, we should lift up one nagging problem we face in life before God. That’s what I just did”.
There are stories you may have heard about marriage and love relationships. Some of them sometimes ring off like a joke. But marriage is not a comedy. And participants aren’t comedians. Marriage, my friends, is a heavy commitment that requires a lot of continual, ceaseless, and uninterrupted heavy-lifting work by both parties if they truly hanker for success. As people involved change, as times flip, and as physical features and worldview of the love birds are torpedoed, unexpected changes do occur in marriage. Some change for the worse; unfortunately. Partners once drenched in intoxicating love are now ‘detoxified’ of that phenomenon that once frequently got their ‘bewitched’ heads spinning without control. And we see others crank up their love temperatures as the alliance gets stronger; and partners are more committed to their vows than ever before. Marriage has made a lot of lives sweeter; and it has also pushed many destinies down the cliff of misery and horror as a result of unexpected turbulences during the journey.
Twelve years ago, a young man came to me with a complaint about his then newly wedded wife: “They warned me not to marry her; they said I would regret it if I did, but I went ahead and put a ring on her finger. Pastor, something happened that blinded me to ask this woman to marry me; I don’t know what it was. She seemed sweet and nice but those who knew her very well told me she was pretending. I shouldn’t have married her. Look at my life now. I don’t know why I got married at all. Sir, marriage is not for me, at all. Period’! I have heard and seen worse. Marriages are under siege; and many homes are in trouble and under very brash assault. More often, many did not look before they leapt; and before they said “I do”.
In my line of work, I get expressions of regrets and complaints from different kinds of married people from different races and nationalities. Couples who have covered up their pains in different styles are tired of the facades. Hugo Boss suits and Gucci skirt-suits and flowing gowns have no prowess to palliate real emotional pains. Even on preachers’ pulpits, my ears have heard agonising pains of anointed men and women crying out from the wilderness of aloneness; “Enough is enough of this mess”. If you are let into the hurt, pain, and emotional sufferings many families are going through behind closed doors, you will agree with me that it is often wiser to be wary before you say, “I do”.
One beloved daughter (not biological) of mine once fell prey. She was in a hurry to tie the knot. Her friend, who was a motormouth, swept her off her feet. Very many young single women surrender to sweet talk from men who are wont to blabbering: “I love you, baby”. For the women, the thought of their biological clocks ticking too late against them makes them fall for predators. I understand the pressure. But with my beloved daughter, we saw red flags. She was warned. But she just wanted to be called by a man’s last name; whether he was a misfit or not. She desired to be happy. That’s not too much to ask for in life. But it was just a matter of time. The relationship ended up in the gutters and flushed down into the sewer of sorry statistics of marital failures. Before you say I do, do your due diligence. Don’t surrender to sweet talk from men. Marry reality.
Haven’t we all in the course of life’s journey got some things wrong? We want to get our finances right, but we don’t. We want to get our career choices right, but we don’t. We want to get our businesses right, sometimes we don’t. Many want to get travelling abroad and relocation right, but they never did. We want to get our marriages right, sometimes we don’t. The best season of life to get any marriage right is before you say “I do”. To the young man and woman already day-dreaming about walking down the isle of marriage with petals of roses splashed down the aisle, and hundreds or thousands of people cheering you on into a land unfamiliar, watch before you say ‘I do’!
Marriage is like a shoe. If you slide your feet in an oversized pair, get ready to drag the cumbersome weight along throughout life. If you squeezed your feet in an undersized pair, you should be ready to nurse the pain and discomfort as long as you live. Hereby, I adjure our young people not to sign up on marriage just because your friends are. That is what parrots do. They mimic. They speak no minds of their own. They pick up words in their proximal surroundings and repeat same verbatim. Whoever embraces and displays traits of a parrot; talking like a parrot, working like a parrot, and singing like a parrot, the end results in self-deception leading to self-incarceration of destiny.
No marriage is 100% perfect. Even life as woven by God is not without its flaws. But those who win the game of marriage don’t always do things just because everyone else is doing it. Regarding marriage, you will glow differently in God’s own time for you. We all look for love; and age doesn’t matter. Whether you are 20 or 40 years old, marriage decisions cannot be hastily made. Its side effects burn like a raging wildfire in human bones. And raging fire in human bones is borne solo wheresoever the human goes. The pain lasts too long when you rush into marriage; and then have to rush out. It may be a big business move or a brand-new marriage dream. Before you say “I do’, do your due diligence and take your time. When it’s God’s time for you to tie the knots, you will marry a true friend who you can live with, and who cannot live without God. And both of you will never be without any good thing.
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