Lovers Should Jointly Take Blame For Sex By Onuora Onianwa

A young man tweeted about a lady agreeing to have sex with him on the first day he had a date with her. He asked sarcastically what she was to have agreed to sleep with him and then said she was a slut who he was disappointed in.

I see this always and it is funny. By saying funny I do not mean I laughed it off but funny in a stupid kind of way. You know that kind of funny where something happens and you scrunch up your face and shake your head? That kind of funny where someone says or does something so asinine you are convinced that it is either their village people are using their passport photographs to sweep the ground or that the person may be high on cheap and expired drugs.

An unfortunate reality in the world today (and I speak mainly of Nigeria even though this is much a worldwide phenomenon) is that when a woman who is not married has sex with a man she is seen as a cheap woman and no better than a prostitute. For our society such a woman has no morals, she is foolish, a disgrace to her family and friends and no better than a demon. She is jezebel the queen of witches. She is even sometimes referred to as strange woman by religious people and these are just the nice names and references I am using here. I never talk the ones wey bad pass. I have just one question; what about the man?

I see you squeeze your face. You are one of them abi? You are one of those who do not like the question I just asked. Okay. Maybe that is a wrong assumption. Maybe you smiled and said, ehn! Yes! What about the man? I hope you did but in case you do not, here is a simple truth for you. This kind of thing is why many want to ignore and continue with the ‘women are trash for sleeping around’ narrative. I am a Christian so I am not about to come out and encourage people to just sleep around with anyone with reckless abandon. I do not believe that is wise but I also am not going to be a partial to join the bandwagon in condemning women for what men are also a part of.

For goodness sake, let us be real here, did the woman sleep with herself? I mean unless she engaged in masturbation or some otherwise unknown form of self–satisfying sex, she had a partner in this case. Why is she the only one called names and condemned and the man goes scot-free? In fact, some will even praise the man for “smashing” as it is called these days.

He is seen as some kind of alpha male but the lady is seen as dirty and cheap. This is foolishness at its peak. If one of them is a slut or shameful for having sex on a first date or any form of sex outside marriage, then her partner is the same.

Let’s stop this gender assignment for what we say is wrong. That is not how it works and personally, I am tired of the nonsense. You need to have seen this arrogant boy make so much noise in the tweet. In his head, he is smart and in a position to judge her as being useless and cheap but he is a king for sleeping with her? Honestly in many ways, we are like the Pharisees and the other men who dragged the woman caught in adultery to Jesus. Many people who have read the story always ask like I did; “Where was the man? Why was he not brought forward too? Surely, he deserved whatever punishment she would get but he was left alone.

We need to stop holding women accountable to some high moral standard of sexual purity and excusing men from the same. The irony is in the same breath these same people will claim men are wiser, stronger, bigger and better than women and yet even still claim the men do not need to be sexually pure but women should. How did this happen? How does this madness and hypocrisy persist in this modern era?

Women hear this constantly at home and in church, among friends and relations. It is everywhere but when the men are involved, what we hear about is leadership and making money, being the head, respected and in charge. Two people wanted sex, had sex and the duo must take responsibility for that. Until we get to that point and hold both sexes responsibility for the action they jointly committed, we will continue to joke and deceive ourselves.

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